forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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