"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
