We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
