I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found puke in my bra..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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