YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
