My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
