you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
