did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
