i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
