I just threw up on my dentist
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
