I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
