Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
