So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
