To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
