I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
that may or may not have been my penis.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
