As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
