I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
