So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
