Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You smell like a Billy Joel song
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
