tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
