Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
