My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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