I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
