Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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