Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
