yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
