I'm really into asian looking animals
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
pray to the hookup gods
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
