so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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