I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
