where am i from again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need a beard to bite.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
