Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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