I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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