I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
