So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
