Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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