Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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