Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
