Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
