My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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