At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
