I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
