Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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