Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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