At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
