There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
