I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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