just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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