I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
