I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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