i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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