Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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