last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
