he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
