I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
