She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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